Need new Title
by Lindsey7618AwesomeasPercabeth
Summary: "Magnus!" Alec called, stumbling around blindly. "Magnus, please." His voice broke. He couldn't see, couldn't feel./-was Magnus...kissing another girl./-but it always went back to Camille./Spoilers for CoLS. Malec./"I never loved you, Alexander, how could you ever believe I did?"/ "Alexander Gideon Lightwood," Magnus said quietly, "she can give me the past, but you are my future."


**Hey guys! This is another Malec centered story from me! I started writing this about a month or two ago. I wanted it to be longer, but, oh well. I hope you like it, it took awhile to get it this...well, not perfect, but, like it is now, haha. :)**

"Magnus!" Alec called, stumbling around blindly. "Magnus, _please_." His voice broke.

He couldn't see, couldn't feel...it was like no matter what he did, nothing happened.

Nothing.

Then it faded. Just faded. He could see now...and instantly wished he couldn't. He wished he couldn't hear, either. He was in- well, emptiness. it was like a big gray box he couldn't escape from. It was just completely gray, soundless, and terrifying.

And in front of him to his left was Magnus...kissing another girl. As he looked closer he saw the girl was more then one. Her face kept changing, but it always went back to Camille.

He tried to speak but found he couldn't. He tried to turn away but couldn't. He was stuck. He could only see what was in front of him, in his line of vision.

And that included _him._

_Max._

Alec, unable to move, was forced to watch as Sebastien hit Max. He was forced to watch as Max was killed.

Max..his baby brother...only nine years old...he didn't even have his first marks yet..

Tears streamed down his face, and he could not stop them.

Then he faded again. This time he was watching Sebastien slamming the hammer over Izzy's head, Izzy's screams, her weak attempt to punch him, the blood...

_But she wasn't killed...was she?_

Then it was gone, those horrible images or Izzy being knocked unconscious, and Magnus was standing in front of him, a cruel, twisted smile on his face as he took a step forward, saying, "It's not me, it's you."

"But- I- I-" Alec couldn't even form a full sentence.

"I hate you," Magnus said. "How could you ever think otherwise? I hate you. It's as simple as that, but much more. You were only a toy for me, Alexander, and nothing more. Everything I said, the 'I love you's, the 'I miss you's, and every time I hugged you, they were all lies. And every kiss, they were never real, I never _meant_ them. In fact, I still love Camille.

"When she offered to make me immortal, it was a joke. I was in on it. I wanted to mess with you. I pretended Camille had tipped me off about you and pretended to be hurt. Then I broke up with you,_ breaking_ you.

"I never loved you, Alexander, how could you ever believe I did?"

The warlock's eyes glinted with cruel amusement.

"D- don't call me that," Alec manged to whisper.

"What, _Alexander_? Ah, yes, whenever I called you that it signified our more...intimate moments."

He looked even more amused, like Alec's despair, his stuttering and broken self was feeding him, giving him joy. Somehow he remembered a line from Poison by Alice Cooper-

_My pain, your thrill._

Right now, that's what was happening.

"But- we- you always kissed me- you were happy- we had-" Alec's face flushed bright red and he stopped himself before he finished.

Magnus laughed. "I only _did it_ because I wanted a little amusement. You were a _toy._ That was all. Get it into your thick head, Lightwood."

_Your cruel device, your blood, like ice. One look could kill, my pain, your thrill._

The lyrics ran through Alec's mind over and over again.

"Magnus," he whispered, only to find that his tears were suffocating him. Then he couldn't breath, it was like someone was pulling the air out, sucking it in. He couldn't _breath._

"Magnus," he choked out.

Everything began disappearing, while Magnus stayed, that same satisfied smirk there.

Izzy's, Jace's, Magnus's, Maryse's, everyone's faces appeared around Magnus and disappeared in the blink of an eye.

"I hate you," Izzy hissed.

"Disgusting," spat Jace. "I never should've become your Parabatai."

"You are not my son," Maryse said coldly.

"Disgusting fag," Robert shouted. "I'm ashamed to be your father. You are a disgrace to the entire Lightwood family. I disown you!"

"Ugly!" Clary shouted.

"Stupid," Simon's face said.

"Nothing," Maia said, her face half expressionless and yet twisted into an ugly smile at the same time.

"You're not my brother!" Max yelled.

And Alec felt himself breaking. _You're not my brother._

And the second worst words of all-

_"I never loved you,"_ whispered Magnus.

He didn't scream, shout, yell, or call him names, but it hurt the most.

_I never loved you._

Magnus.

And then his eyes were _opened_, really opened, and Magnus was shaking him, looking worried, and the blankets were thrown off Alec, and he was sobbing...

"Alec!" Magnus shouted.

"Don't _touch_ me!" Alec scrambled back, yanking his arm away, his breathing uncontrollable.

Magnus instantly stepped back, hurt flashing all over his face as Alec buried his face in his knees, feeling guilty.

"I'm sorry," he finally whispered.

He felt a hand on his arm but it quickly retreated.

"Is it okay to touch you?"

Alec nodded mutely. Magnus arms were immediately around Alec, pulling him close as Magnus sat on the bed, making it tilt. Alec was still having trouble breathing.

"Breath, darling," Magnus whispered. "Just breathe."

He held Alec tightly and slowly but surely his breathing slowed. It wasn't normal, but much calmer. Magnus began rubbing circles on his back.

"What happened?" Alec asked.

"I woke up to you screaming," Magnus said. "I guess everyone else slept through it- though I don't know how. You were crying and saying...things, and I heard my name, Izzy's and...Max mentioned. And you just wouldn't _wake up_, no matter how hard I tried."

Alec stayed silent, his mind whirling.

"What- what was your nightmare?" Magnus asked gently. "Sometimes it helps to talk about it."

After a moment, Alec said, "I was in this...place...I couldn't see...I kept _calling_ for you, but you never answered."

Half crying, Alec told Magnus every single detail of his dream. He had literally memorized every word, it was like it was burned, seared into his mind.

"You said- said I was only a toy."

"You said- you said, 'I never loved you, Alexander, how could you ever believe I did?"'

"'What, _Alexander_? Ah, yes, whenever I called you that it signified our more...intimate moments."'

"You left me, Magnus, you said I- I- I-"

When Alec finished, Magnus hugged him even harder. Alec was literally on his lap.

"Alec, you're not a toy," Magnus whispered. "I love you so, so much."

"How do I know you're not lying?" Alec asked brokenly. "The dream Magnus said he was lying."

Alec took a deep, shuddering breath, his eyes closed. Magnus had never seen him so broken, and insecure, and upset, or feeling so unloved. Magnus took hold of Alec's chin firmly, forcing him to look into Magnus's eyes.

"Alexander, look at me," he demanded. Alec looked down, refusing to meet his eyes.

"_Now_," Magnus said sharply.

Alec finally looked up and Magnus mentally cursed for not being nicer.

"Alec," he said softly, "I love you. If I wanted to hurt you like that don't you think I would have already?"

"But this- this could be a trap," Alec choked out. "You could be trying to lure me into a false sense of security, just to dump me an- and-" Alec stopped, unable to continue.

Magnus sighed. "Alec, I swear on your life-"

"Like that means much to you."

"On _my_ life, then, that I honestly love you. I'd _never_ hurt you, Alec."

"You did before."

Magnus paused. They both knew what he was talking about.

The break up.

"Alec..." Magnus said, his voice wary, and Alec realized his mistake.

"I'm sorry," he said hastily. "I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking, I wasn't trying to-"

"Honestly, Alec, it's okay," Magnus said with a small smile. "You look too guilty. Calm down."

Unable to shake off the guilt, Alec sighed.

"Magnus?" he asked in a smll voice.

"Yes?"

"Do you- do you still love Camille?"

The room was silent. Then-

"What do you think?" Magnus asked softly.

Alec hesitated. "I- I don't know," he said. "I just don't know anymore. There are a million reason why you should choose her over me."

"'Should'?" Magnus asked, an odd tone in his voice. "Don't you mean 'Would'?"

"No." Alec hung his head. "_Should._ She's beautiful. I'm not. She's smart. I'm not. She can lie, I can't, I'm terrible at it. And there's so much more. And that makes me wonder why you don't just dump me and go back to her. She can offer you so much more.

And she's...immortal. I'm not. She can give you forever-

I can't."

There were tears streaming down Alec's face as he whispered those last two words.

"Alec, you don't need to give me forever. As long as you live, I'm happy. Camille might be able to give me forever, but she wouldn't promise it. Well, she might lie, but I promise you, Alexander, she'd leave me. If I dumped you, right now, and went crawling back to Camille, she leave me at some point. Have you ever heard Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri?"

When Alec nodded, he continued, "Well, the main lines- the whole song, actually- have always reminded me of Camille-

_'And who do you think you are,_

_Running round leavin' scars,_

_Collecting your jar of hearts,_

_And tearing love apart,_

_You're gonna catch a cold,_

_From the ice inside your soul. So don't come back for me. Who do you think you are?'_

Especially those last four lines."

Alec shook his head. "But she was yours first. She's immortal, beautiful, everything I'm not, and I'm...me."

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood," Magnus said quietly, "she can give me the past, but you are my future."

Alec blushed and Magnus smiled softly. Well, I got you to blush, so score one for me," Magnus offered.

Alec laughed.

"I love your laugh," Magnus told him, making Alec's cheeks flame bright red again.

For a few minutes nothing was said. Then Magnus asked, "Alec? You do realize I really do love you, right?"

Alec hesitated. "I do now," he finally said.

Magnus gave him a sad smile. "Oh, Alec," he said softly, leaning forward to kiss him.

"I love you more then everything in the world."

**So, I hope you all liked this, at least! Please review telling me what you thought of this, what I could improve on (I know, like everything, but generally), and just any thoughts you had...**

**I love you guys! Bye!**

**~Linds.**

**P.S. Yes, there will be more chapters. I'm planning on it being a full story.**


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